The New Leading Man: eharmony Unpacks Masculinity’s Impact on Dating Dynamics In 2024
What it means to be masculine today is so much more broad and inclusive than it was in the past, but between social stereotypes and expectations for a man to be a knight in shining armor, how does that play out in today’s dating world? In this edition of Dating Diaries, eharmony explores that question with brand new data directly from Canadian men (age 18+) and the GenZers and Millennials who date them, including insightful takes and tips from eharmony relationship experts.
Table of Contents
The Mixed Messages of Modern Masculinity
Between the various dating expectations shared on social media like wanting a #rodentboyfriend or a #maninfinance, to the pressures that come from romantic partners to change aspects of themselves or their lives, men are receiving mixed messages. So what exactly are they? 20% of Canadian men have felt pressure from a romantic partner to change their attitude and clothing the most.
Conflicting expectations, combined with unfair traditional stereotypes (like being strong both physically and mentally) can create challenges for men trying to navigate dating and form authentic connections.
When men face these mixed messages, it can lead to confusion and insecurity, making it challenging to approach relationships with confidence and authenticity. This often results in a lack of vulnerability, preventing genuine connections from developing…
Todd Baratz LMHC, an eharmony relationship expert
While mixed messages can lead to confusion, surface-level deal breakers can not only impact male confidence, but also singles’ dating pool options: The #1 deal breaker for Canadian women who date men impacts short kings the most with 35% saying they won’t date a man who is shorter than them. Laurel House, an eharmony relationship expert, weighs in on why deal breakers around someone’s appearance can negatively impact your dating pool.
By opening and expanding the spectrum of what is attractive, daters are dramatically increasing their options and opportunities for connection, relationships, and love.
Laurel House, an eharmony relationship expert
According to House, we should be looking beyond superficial looks and focusing on who someone truly is, including their personality, priorities, values, lifestyle, and how they treat and make you feel. She adds, when it comes to a long-term enduring relationship, getting what you “need” from your partner will ultimately create a deeper sense of happiness than being with someone who physically aligns with your “type”.
Should You Wait for a Leading Man?
More often than not, men receive signals that they should take the lead with dating, including planning and paying for dates. And recently there’s been a rise in trending TikTok hashtags like #feminineenergy and #tradwives, suggesting that women expect to be chased and financially doted on, reinforcing a stereotypical belief in gender roles. But is waiting for men to take the lead realistic? Not really.
50% of Canadian women are open to taking the lead on planning for a date, while 33% are open to paying for a date with a man in a romantic relationship, compared to 28% of Canadian men. Which makes sense given, Canadian men listed finances as the #1 struggle they’re facing right now (19%).
Making the first move shouldn’t be gender-specific. Everyone, regardless of gender, should feel empowered to initiate and engage in dating.
Todd Baratz LMHC, an eharmony relationship expert
According to Baratz:
When men embrace fluidity, they can redefine their perception of masculinity, which leads to opportunities to be vulnerable, express their emotions, and find mutual support in relationships.
A One Man Show…In The Bedroom
When it comes to the bedroom, Canadian men have their own insecurities. More specifically, they are the most self conscious about their performance.
What makes Canadian men self-conscious during sex?
29%
Ability to give their partner an orgasm
24%
Stamina
20%
Sex Drive
When it comes to the bedroom, people who date Canadian men want them to:
- Understand that emotional intimacy should be a priority: 75% of Gen Z and 67% of Millennials who date men say it’s important for men to know that emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy.
- Their sexual health: 62% of Gen Zers who date men think it’s important for men to understand sexual health.
- Prioritize foreplay: 42% of Canadian women want men to understand they need foreplay
- Be more fluid when it comes to positions in the bedroom: 30% of Canadian women want men to understand that they don’t want to always bottom or top during physical intimacy.
So how can men put these insecurities to bed and make more room for mutual pleasure for themselves and prospective partners? An open dialogue with current or future partners might be the answer.
Everyone has sexual insecurities and anxieties because of the sex-negative and sex-phobic culture many of us have been raised in. It’s crucial to actively work through these anxieties and insecurities with your partner. Communication is key.
Todd Baratz LMHC, an eharmony relationship expert
So whether you date men or identify as one, unpacking perceptions about masculinity can help us navigate how we approach dating and the mixed messages we all face:
- Shoot your shot: No matter who you are making the first move shouldn’t be gender-specific
- Embrace the short king: Don’t let physical appearance “shorten” your dating pool!
- Get fluid: Fluid thinking opens up opportunities to be vulnerable, express yourself, and find mutual support in relationships!
- Communication leads to confidence: In and outside of the bedroom!
Methodology
Dating Diaries: The New Leading Man report was commissioned by eharmony and conducted by Harris Interactive. It was fielded online between July 4th and July 10th, 2024 and surveyed over 1,000 participants. Participants qualified if they were aged 18+ and were men or dating/in relationships with men. Results were weighted to be nationally representative.
