How to Get to Know a Guy and Spark His Interest

Getting to know someone in increasingly complex ways isn’t simply a feature of dating, it’s the main attraction. Love is a process that is, at its core, a person’s most ambitious attempt to know the interior of another.

While learning how to get to know a guy can be challenging at times, it’s worth it once you get to that place with the right man: a happy and profoundly meaningful relationship. Though let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Initial approaches

If you’re wondering, “How do I get to know a guy better?”, it’s time to be more direct.

In general, men are less guarded about being approached, but it’s still prudent to pick the right moment if you want a proper conversation. While nightlife is the most obvious option, cafes, bookstores, museums and even the aisles of a supermarket can be a romantic opportunity, if you’re bold enough.

It’s about being direct and authentic. Your approach should indicate genuine interest, so avoid scripted lines and just try to keep it simple, like introducing yourself and seeing where the interaction goes.

The right questions to ask a guy

If you’re wondering how to get to know a guy after approaching them, one the of best ways is by asking questions about him. We all like to be noticed so it’s a flattering way of getting an interaction started.

When you start thinking of questions to ask a guy, try to ask open-ended questions, where the answers can lead to further questions – or create a launchpad to a bigger discussion. Here are some examples.

• Ask about their interests: “I’ve been so bored in the city recently. What do you like to do on the weekends for fun?”
• Ask about their values: “Who’s a public figure that inspires you most these days?”
• Ask about their life: “What’s one of the weirdest things that’s happened to you this month?”

With these, not only will you get to know him better, but you’ll also get a more solid idea of your compatibility. 

Active listening

Being present, engaged and empathetic is essential in finding how to get to know a guy properly. Active listening involves not just hearing someone, but also being sensitive to the emotional context they’re saying it in – and its deeper meaning.

So beyond asking questions and listening more than you talk, how you interact with the answers impacts intimacy. This is equally useful in remote interactions, like when you’re figuring out how to get to know a guy over text or online. 

Some other simple tips include maintaining eye contact when they talk and showing you understand. Reflect on what they’re saying by trying to rephrase some of their main points, or digging further into their responses with open-ended questions.

Look at active listening as a skill you can work on to have more meaningful conversations that feel like judgment-free, two-way spaces.

Understanding non-verbal cues

When interacting with unfamiliar people, we often default to a type of responsive politeness. So being attuned to a guy’s body language can help you figure out how to get to know a guy much more deeply than his words are expressing.

Here are some positive and negative non-verbal cues to look out for in conversation:

Positive:

• Upright posture
• Their pupils dilating slightly when talking
• Furtive glances
• Licking their lips often
• Titling their head slightly to the side
• Leaning in closer
• Mirroring you
• Finding excuses to initiate physical contact

Negative:

• Closed posture, like crossed arms or an indirect stance
• Minimal use of facial expressions
• Seeming distracted
• Reduced eye contact
• Maintaining strict personal space
• Finger or foot tapping

In the same vein, consciously using your own body language in a conversation can help if you’re trying to find out how to let a guy know you like him without having to say it.

How to get to know a guy by sharing about yourself

A meaningful conversation is an act of trust, so while you’re asking him questions it’s also a good idea to share openly and vulnerably about yourself. This helps him get to know you better and shows you’re open to sharing the real you and, hopefully, inspiring them to respond in kind.

It’s important to be completely genuine and honest as you work out how to get to know a guy, even if you’re struggling to find ways to directly relate to him. That may be a red flag in and of itself.  

Try not to overshare though. Similarly to asking inappropriately personal questions, sharing too much about yourself too early may create awkwardness or cross a personal boundary. As a general piece of dating advice for women, always pay close attention and respond to changes in body language as you share.  

Building comfort and trust

Creating a comfortable and trusting environment is essential to fostering intimacy. Particularly if you’re figuring out how to get a boyfriend out of your growing connection with this guy, you want him to feel completely at ease with you.

People often feed off each other’s energy, so try to bring a vibe of confidence and positivity. Making someone comfortable can be as simple as smiling more, complimenting them, mirroring their body language or just cracking a few jokes.

Establishing trust can be a little more involved when working on how to get to know a guy. This tends to naturally develop depending on how you interact over time, but remember that the three main drivers of trust are authenticity (being the real you), logic (being able to depend on your judgment and abilities) and empathy (believing you genuinely care about them and their feelings).¹

Common interests and activities

Doing something together that you both enjoy is one of the easiest ways to help a budding relationship. This is why you should explore a guy’s interests as soon as possible, as it can create a lot of fun, energetic conversational material – while also giving you some solid date suggestions if you’ve been thinking about how to ask a guy out.

If you’re a bit pressed for ideas, here are some mutual activities you could try:

• Urban exploration
• Outdoor activities like hiking and kayaking
• Cooking a meal together
• Making a playlist together and taking a road trip (destination idea: each other’s hometown)
• Volunteering as a couple
• Getting into a new book, podcast or TV series together

Try to be patient as you explore new shared interests. You may not find the winning combination for both of you on your first few tries. 

Learning how to get to know a guy is about more than information

As you can tell, getting closer to a guy isn’t all that different from how many of the relationships in your life have formed: through time, commonality, intimacy and shared experiences. So always try to let empathy and your practical social instincts guide you. Remember, it’s crucial to never rush the bonding process when working on how to get to know a guy.

What makes it a romantic relationship is the initial chemistry and attraction, which is really what you should focus on as you initially get to know them. That’s why we advise you to try these tips in your interactions with guys. Not just to foster an environment in which intimacy can flourish, but also to help protect you against unrealistic expectations, so you can save your energy for the right guys.