Love Comes in All Colors: Tips for Thriving in an Interracial Relationship

It was the kiss heard around the world… or at least, seen on millions of American TV screens. In the decades since Star Trek’s Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhura shared one of the first interracial kisses on American television, being in an interracial relationship has only become more popular and accepted than ever. According to a Gallup poll, 94% of Americans now support interracial marriage, up from just 4% in 1968¹. In this article, we’ll discuss the challenges and benefits of interracial relationships, how to navigate being in one, and offer you some interracial dating advice.

Famous interracial couples

While Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are one of the most well-known interracial couples in the world today, they’re following in the footsteps of many other famous and influential couples from different backgrounds. Interracial marriage was made legal in the US after the appropriately named Richard and Mildred Loving sued the government for their right to do so. White British musician David Bowie and his Black supermodel wife Iman were inseparable until his death in 2016. Vice-President Kamala Harris is ably supported by her husband, Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff – and VP Harris is of mixed Asian and Black ancestry herself.

Why should you give being in an interracial relationship a shot?

Leaving aside that wonderful partners can be of any background, there are plenty of upsides to dating outside your race.

Being in an interracial relationship exposes you to a culture that’s completely different from your own, encouraging you to see the world through a different lens and allowing you to expand your horizons. You will get the chance to have a broader range of experiences than you would have had before, especially as your relationship deepens. Being in an interracial relationship also means getting better at communication, which has the benefit of improving other aspects of your life as well. Additionally, although you’re not obligated to be a role model by being in an interracial relationship, you’re playing a small part in helping break down barriers and making it easy for other people to follow their own romantic dreams. Finally, being with someone you love is just plain fun.

Why interracial relationships can be challenging

Even though nearly one in five Americans is married to someone of a different race, that doesn’t mean that being in an interracial relationship is always sunshine and roses. While acceptance of interracial relationships has grown exponentially since Loving v. Virginia, there are still people who don’t like the idea of interracial dating. Especially in more conservative areas, you might face pushback for dating outside of your own race, whether from strangers or even your own loved ones. Dealing with outright discrimination, stereotyping, micro-aggressions, or even well-intentioned assumptions can put a strain on the strongest of relationships.

Even when your friends and family are supportive, being in an interracial relationship can be challenging because each of you bring your own cultural backgrounds, and the underlying assumptions, with you. As important as communication is to relationships in general, it’s doubly so when you and your partner are of different races.

Effective Communication Strategies

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. Especially when it comes to interracial dating; how well you communicate can make or break your relationship. Some tips for how to communicate better with each other:

Be open and honest       

It’s important for both you and your partner to make your expectations clear right from the beginning. While you shouldn’t be rude, it’s better to be honest about things that bother you rather than let resentment build up. Nipping problems in the bud can help stop small problems becoming big, or even relationship-ending ones.

Don’t assume your culture is the default

Just because you’ve grown up with something doesn’t mean your partner has, and vice versa. It’s important to remember that your partner’s traditions and beliefs are just as important to them as yours are to you. Try and come to a compromise that respects both your cultures.

Try and resolve conflicts constructively

Every relationship will have conflicts, and that’s especially true of interracial relationships. What’s important is how you behave towards each other during and after. No matter how bad the argument, remember that at the end of the day, you’re both on the same team. 

Navigating societal and familial Acceptance

While it is true that the majority of people are accepting of mixed-race relationships, sometimes that acceptance can be more theoretical than practical, even from family or friends. Some ways to deal with a less than ideal situation include:

Building a supportive network

Surrounding yourself with people who value you and your partner is key to your mental health and can also help strengthen your relationship. If your family doesn’t approve of interracial relationships, try reaching out to friends and mentors instead.

Educating your side of the family

Sometimes, poor reactions to you being in an interracial relationship can come from ignorance rather than malice. It’s important for each of you to talk with friends and family about any preconceived notions they may have, and work with them about unlearning their assumptions.

Having strong boundaries

Sadly, sometimes even the best efforts at education don’t work. In cases like this, it’s important to draw a line in the sand. Stand up for your partner where you can and make sure they know they have your unconditional support. This is especially important when kids are part of the equation – you don’t want them internalizing other people’s prejudices.

Tips for Interracial Couples

Dating outside your race has its ups and downs. Here are a few tips to make being in an interracial relationship easier:

Make sure you’re on the same page

Clear communication is even more important when you’re in an interracial relationship. Techniques like active listening can help. Additionally, you should look for culturally-specific resources about communication, as well as more general books like The Five Love Languages. Additionally, it’s important to try and compromise, unless the issue is a deal-breaker for you.

Learn about your partner’s culture

Knowing more about your partner’s culture isn’t just a great way to bond, it can also help reduce arguments because you’ll have a better idea where they’re coming from. Additionally, if you have kids, it’s really important that you both foster a sense of pride in all of their heritages.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help or seek support

Even with how much easier things have gotten, being in an interracial marriage can sometimes be hard. Don’t hesitate to lean on understanding friends or family, or even reach out to professionals for help. Having a third party to mediate or guide you can also make it a lot easier to resolve any misunderstandings.

You never know where love may grow

Love is love, no matter where you find it… and sometimes you find it with someone from a completely different background and culture. Even if you haven’t been in an interracial relationship before, don’t shut the possibility down completely – you never know where real love may be waiting for you. At eharmony, we have a diverse pool of eligible singles from all over the world, all of whom are looking for the same thing you are – a serious relationship with someone who shares their values and goals. Sign up for eharmony and get started looking for real love today.

Interracial Relationships Expert FAQ

One of our eharmony relationship experts, Dr Lalitaa Suglani, answered the two most frequently asked questions about interracial relationships:

How do cultural differences impact the dynamics of interracial relationships, and what strategies can couples use to navigate and celebrate these differences?

Cultural differences can significantly impact interracial relationships by introducing varying perspectives, traditions, and expectations. These differences can either enrich the relationship or create misunderstandings and conflicts. To navigate and celebrate these differences, couples can practice open and respectful communication, actively learn about each other’s cultures, and engage in shared cultural experiences. Embracing these differences as opportunities for growth and mutual understanding helps build a stronger, more inclusive relationship. Couples should also establish common ground and shared values to ensure that cultural diversity enhances rather than divides their bond.

How can interracial couples effectively manage and resolve conflicts that arise from differing cultural values and traditions?

Interracial couples can manage and resolve conflicts arising from differing cultural values and traditions by creating open, empathetic communication and practicing active listening. It’s crucial to acknowledge and respect each other’s cultural backgrounds and find compromises that honour both perspectives. Seeking common ground and shared values helps in bridging cultural gaps. Couples might also benefit from participating in joint activities that incorporate both cultures, promoting mutual respect and understanding.