The Public Display of Affection: Today’s Etiquette

It can sometimes feel like walking a fine line when navigating public displays of affection (or PDA). What’s the right level of PDA in dating? What’s the appropriate level of affection while out in public? How does a public display of affection affect your dating experience? It’s normal to feel uncertain about these things.

That’s why we’ve put together this handy guide to help you understand when PDA is lacking, when it’s just right and when – as people say – you need to “get a room”. Note: PDA exists in all human relationships. In this article, we’ll mainly be looking at PDA in romantic relationships.    

What is a PDA?

People often confuse a public display of affection with public kissing. While kissing is part of PDA, it’s one of the many ways that people who are close use to communicate intimacy. It can have vastly different views, both from the public and between partners, depending on how socially conservative the society you live in is, and local cultural norms.

Public signs of affection exist in many relationships, such as with family and friends. For instance, westerners often hug people they’re close to as a greeting. However, its principal and most varied use is in relationships, where we use forms of affection to bond with our partner, even while out in public.  

Types of public display of affection

Touch-based PDA

This is the most common form of affection display we engage in, often even with people we’re not that intimate with. It can range anywhere from holding hands to hugging to holding someone’s shoulder or waist as you walk. This is typically restricted to the back or arms.

Kissing

Kissing in public is generally the image people conjure up when PDA is mentioned, and includes quick pecks, prolonged kissing – or a more platonic but still intimate kiss on the hand, or cheek. It’s also the one people most often object to in certain public situations.  

Verbal or symbolic gestures

This can include using terms of endearment like, honey, love, sweetie or even pookie bear, paying compliments, or any other romantic expression that doesn’t involve touch. These aren’t regarded as publicly objectionable and most healthy couples engage in them.  

Gestures of support or attention

A type of public display of affection that’s often unconscious or reactive. Like fixing someone’s collar, picking a piece of lint off their clothes, or instinctively holding them close in a crowded space or during a photo. This signals deeper intimacy because it’s unconscious affection. 

More reserved or subtle PDA

These tend to be slightly more conscious ways to indicate a level of intimacy and comfort with someone. It covers such behaviors as reduced natural personal space, brushing up against your partner, leaning on them or lightly touching someone as you talk to them.  

A more intimate public display of affection

The most intimate and visible form of PDA involves prolonged close physical contact such as cuddling, intense caressing or somewhat intimate touch, perhaps of the face or neck. They’re much less common in public settings.  

The benefits of public displays of affection

Any form of affection – in the right amount – can be hugely beneficial when it comes to strengthening your relationship. This is as long as your values are compatible and both of you are comfortable expressing that form of affection.

What we first need to understand is that from a psychological perspective, the positive input we receive from affection aren’t significantly distinguished between public and private. Despite the fact people often see them as performative, PDA in a couple is often a natural result of bond-strengthening and building effective non-verbal communication patterns. They just happen to take place in public, as many of us live a good portion of our lives in public spaces.  

From a solely biological perspective, physical touch in a relationship has been shown to have a profound stress-ameliorating physiological effect¹ and the level of affectionate communication in a relationship has been shown to positively predict the stress hormone levels in a person², according to two studies.

This isn’t to say it’s completely unconscious. It’s often seen as a public affirmation of love that tells your partner that your affection is uninhibited by public view, as well as being a social tool people use to signal to others your bond. In fact, frequent affection was linked to relationship satisfaction in one study³.

The risks of a public display of affection

There are no psychological or physiological downsides to PDA, as long as it’s consensual and you’re comfortable with them. So always ensure you effectively communicate, so there are no misunderstandings or boundaries being crossed when you do it.

The only real risks are social ones, whether it’s from your partner, or the societal judgment it can sometimes invite – whether that judgment is fair or not. Most ordinary people want to express their affection in a public or private setting in some form, but can understandably have some reservations about making others uncomfortable – or causing a scene due to a resulting confrontation.

It’s also important to remember that the absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. Western culture around public display of affection and the general societal openness toward it sometimes just doesn’t resonate with certain individual couples for a myriad of reasons. Not engaging in it doesn’t make your relationship any less intimate than the relationships of those that do.

So, while it’s important to not let others judge you, or judge yourself when you engage in PDA with your partner, there’s a similar but often misguided risk of thinking something is missing when there isn’t. 

Public display of affection in different cultures

It’s impossible to separate public displays of affection from cultural and religious values. It’s likely to be the most profound factor in determining what aspects of it you’re willing to explore with someone in public. 

This isn’t just a distinction that’s felt when you travel to different countries. Different provinces or states, or even different communities a short distance apart can have wildly separate cultural perspectives on PDA, even if it isn’t always vocalized. Some just have different views on what public affection is. For instance, a study found that only 46% of countries actually have kissing as a cultural concept⁴.    

How much is a normal level of public display of affection?

From a relationship perspective, that’s up to you and your partner. From a cultural one, it depends. If you’re in the US, Canada, the UK, Australia and most other Western countries, then you won’t get as many stares or complaints from others, even with some intimate types of PDA.

In other regions such as the Middle East, most of Eastern and Southeast Asia, most of Africa and parts of Eastern Europe and Russia, it’s more frowned upon. It often depends on how traditional the culture is. A recent study found the most relevant cultural factors to be:

• Conservatism
• Religiosity
• Collectivism
• Temperature⁵

It was found in this study that warmer, less conservative and less religious countries tended to be more open regarding social affection.

Is PDA illegal anywhere?

There are public decency laws that make a public display of affection against the law in some countries.

• India
• Egypt
• UAE
• The Middle East
• Indonesia
• Tunisia

This ranges from laws against kissing to holding hands in public.

Same-sex or gender-diverse relationships face severe discrimination or legal repercussions for PDA in many countries – of which there are too many to mention. Even in Western countries, LGBTQ+ couples have been found to be significantly less likely to engage in PDA⁶.

The psychological aspects of a public display of affection

Taking it down to a personal level, you may wonder why certain people enjoy PDA while others avoid it. Outside of the cultural factors we mentioned, there are a lot of things that affect people’s propensity toward it. It can often come down to personal preference and comfort zones.

A study found age and gender are also big determiners of PDA in a relationship⁷. Younger people tend to be more into very physical forms of public affection. Responses showed women were far more likely to be comfortable with it, even in platonic situations.

Your attachment style can also have an influence, which isn’t always positive. Obviously, secure attachment styles are naturally comfortable with PDA, but seeking it out too much can conversely be a sign of an anxious or insecure attachment style.  

At the end of the day, physical touch is a very important love language, but it’s one that has to be publicly declared. Your partner may be more into it than you, which may prompt you to want to compromise a little to become more comfortable showing public affection. In such cases, try starting small, communicating more openly about each other’s needs. As always, be patient with yourself.  

Guidelines for PDA

There are so many personal and social factors in every situation that can affect whether a public display of affection is appropriate or not. Let’s break it down to a simple list of dos and don’ts.

Dos	Don’ts
Do be open about setting boundaries and communicating comfort levels with your partner.	Don’t forget the setting you’re in. For instance, more intimate PDA may be more commonplace in nightlife settings, while a setting like a large family gathering would likely be quite different. Just practice social awareness.
Do engage in it if you want to, but without going too far. Someone taking exception to a quick kiss on the street is one thing, while them having a problem with you full-on making out on public transit is another.	Don’t take criticism or judgment to heart. The opinions of a few people don’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Try not to escalate situations as confrontational people feed off of conflict. Instead, calmly brush them off and try to move past unpleasant encounters
Do be aware of your space. There’s nothing wrong with holding hands in public but if you’re doing it on a busy sidewalk and people are having to weave around you, it’s just being inconsiderate. Try to consider your public display of affection in a practical sense too.	Don’t forget that not all PDA is sexual, or only associated with positive moments. For instance, our natural instinct is to physically comfort those close to us when they’re upset. We often initiate touch or verbal PDA to help communicate a range of emotions. Make them a natural part of how you connect with your partner, not just during the good or romantic times.

A public display of affection is about your relationship and society

When it comes down to it, there’s no single, ideal way to approach PDA. It’s different in every relationship. It’s about trying new things and finding the gestures and modes that work best for both of you, while keeping communication at the forefront.  At the same time, how you approach a public display of affection is also very much rooted in the cultural values of where you live, both from a personal perspective and also, how your society views it. You should try to keep those around you comfortable without losing sight of yourself, your partner, and what’s right for the two of you. For example, in the instance of same-sex couples, sometimes people’s discomfort with your PDA is more their problem than it is yours. As we said, it is a fine line, but always stay true to yourself as you walk it.