How to Navigate and Build on Your Lesbian Relationship

As many lesbians, LQBTQ+ folk and just people with common sense know, lesbian dating isn’t all that different from any other kind. A lesbian relationship is just about two people finding deeper human connection where both are women.

However, nuggets of truth are beneath some stereotypes and cultural tropes. We look at these, some basic statistics, and some lesbian dating advice and tips that can help healthily grow your connection as you date.

How do lesbian relationships start

As said, a lesbian relationship can start any way any romantic relationship might start.

• Online – The most popular vehicle for singles across the board these days¹. However, according to the Pew Research Center, gay singles were much earlier and continued avid adopters of online dating
• Through friends – Old but reliable for obvious reasons
• Mutual interests – Clubs and organizations can be a great way for gay singles to find each other
• Chance – Romance at its genre peak: a meet-cute in a bar or restaurant is still how many gay couples connect, even if it’s casual dating or lesbian open relationships

In terms of the manner they begin, a paper published in the Journal of Lesbian Studies found that lesbian relationships preferred a friendship-based courtship script²

How they tend to work and lesbian relationship tips to help them thrive

Like any romance, a lesbian relationship requires work, compromise and a strong mutual commitment to carry you from the “limerence” stage – an initial lovesick and emotionally intense relationship stage sometimes referred to in lesbian culture as, ‘an urge to merge’ – to a place of deep, lasting love and emotional intimacy.

So let’s look at some effective lesbian relationship advice in more detail.

Effective communication

Open communication lines are the bedrock of any healthy romantic relationship. This helps convey emotion and steer the relationship when things make one of you uncomfortable or disagreements arise.

For instance, one of you may be looking for lesbian open relationships in the beginning, while the other is more monogamy minded. Openly communicating your expectations and needs can help mediate situations like these.

Challenges of a lesbian relationship

Even today, societal stereotypes and prejudices from friends and family regarding LGBTQ+ communities can be a huge source of strain for lesbian relationships. 

It’s easy to say ignore this, but it can be challenging in practice. So perhaps try dating in safer non-heteronormative spaces until you’re comfortable facing these misguided generalizations.

The importance of intimacy and connection

Happy couples often say, ‘My partner is my best friend.’ This sentiment is born out of the compassion, intimacy and shared experiences some couples have, which platonic relationships can’t match.

However, continued physical intimacy and affection are also important to keep the romance and depth of your connection alive.

Supporting each other

There are always going to be rainy days in a relationship so no list of lesbian relationship tips would be complete without advising to always be a source of mutual support through the difficult times as with the joyful times.  

Self-care in a lesbian relationship

It’s important not to lose sight of yourself in a relationship, which we can often do when seemingly merging lives. So let yourself miss her sometimes and take time for yourself and the other people in your life.

Putting yourself first sometimes is also important in maintaining healthy power balances in a relationship.

Long-term planning in the relationship

The same Journal of Lesbian Studies articles found that lesbian couples tend to strongly eschew traditional gender roles and norms.³

However, some of these normative practices, such as discussing long-term relationship goals and plans or the desire for family structure and children, can prove crucial in building a relationship on proper, mutually established foundations. 

Do these kind of partnerships last?

A lesbian relationship on average tends to last about just as long or sometimes longer than straight relationships, according to Statista⁴, but let’s look at some statistics that explore the question.

• The JLS study found that lesbians are far more purposeful, emotionally intense and sexually unreserved in dating, leading to more budding connections growing into a relationship⁵
• As a result of this, many lesbians only discover incompatibility deep into the relationship process instead of during casual dating, making their breakup rates appear higher than average, according to Statistics Netherland⁶
• On a different slant, a survey from the Archive of Sexual Behavior found that rates of lesbian open relationships and polyamorous ones were significantly higher than their straight counterparts⁷

A relationshipcan be a fluid concept and its length and growth may depend on how you look at it.

Building a healthy lesbian relationship on the right foundations

When it comes to lesbian dating tips and gay dating culture, the inherent rejection of relationships and dating norms can make it all the more challenging to find a one-size-fits-all path to lasting love. But the trusted basics can never hurt. 

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