How to make someone fall in love with you naturally

Love has always worked in strange ways. While subtle, there are indeed ways for how to make someone fall in love with you. These aren’t with spells or love potions, but rather, ways in which you can interact with a person to create an environment of trust, intimacy and care so love can best be cultivated.

In this guide, we take a psychological and science-backed look at the question, can you make someone fall in love with you? We explore the often difficult-to-define notion of love itself, which other emotions it’s built on, the psychology behind its expressions, and we share 10 tips on how you can invite love in your relationships by putting in the right kind of effort.

What is the foundation of love?

While love is not a primary emotion, it can often feel as basic and intense as one.¹ However, it’s something that develops. To begin with, you should ask how do you get someone to like you and eventually love you? 

Intimacy

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love is a popular perspective on how it works. It posits that consummate romantic love is dependent on intimacy, passion, and commitment.² Intimacy is a notion of shared experiences, history and trust we share that creates a feeling of emotional closeness between two people. It can’t be rushed but it can be nurtured by being vulnerable and dependable with your partner. Self-esteem has also been found to be linked to intimacy building³, which is why being consistently mutually supportive can help. 

Passion

Passion is often a natural reaction people get when feelings of desire arise. Physical attraction is a crucial factor in the question of how to make someone fall in love with you; it’s the initial spark that starts it all. However, it’s not as instant as people think. Research has found that while men are more instinctive at first, we both tend to construct physical attraction toward people as a slower, more conscious process.⁴ In the longer term, research shows we’re most comfortable and intimate with partners we feel are as attractive as ourselves.⁵

Commitment

Your decision-making and its consequences can have a lasting impact on how someone feels about you. This isn’t just about being faithful, but also emotionally available, dependable, and constructive during arguments – to name just a few aspects of commitment.

Furthermore, attachment theory – how we each individually form bonds – has also been shown to have a profound effect on how we approach commitment in our adult years and can affect our chances of finding love.⁶

Do you want to know how do you make someone fall in love with you in a healthy way that leads to strong, lasting relationships? Scientists can’t agree on the perfect way to do this⁷, or if it can be defined on an individual level at all⁸ – according to a Journal of Personality and Social Psychology paper. But let’s explore 10 largely accepted tips for how to approach a relationship to try and build true love. 

Use the power of body language

When you first meet someone and feel a spark of initial attraction, using body language can help you. Jeffrey Hall, a professor at the University of Kansas, identifies 36 nonverbal and verbal flirting behaviors⁹, including:

• Flirtatious glancing
• Excessive self-touching
• Leaning towards you
• High amounts of lip movement or interaction
• Initiating physical contact

Learning to read and use these may not be how to make someone fall in love with you directly, but they’re a start for establishing whether there’s a connection. It’s also important to use positive body language throughout your relationship to help foster openness, intimacy and being present.¹⁰

Show interest

It’s also important to consistently show interest if you want to find out how to get with someone you like. When you meet them, try to engage them in meaningful conversations. Ask questions about themselves, disclose aspects of yourself and show real interest in them as a person. Also, make somewhat frequent contact, be it in person, through messages, or video chatting.

Even in aging relationships, constant curiosity has been shown to be a strong determining factor in enduring intimacy.¹¹

Don’t look for your direct counterpart

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology did agree we often pursue people in love based on the wrong data.¹² As observed by the co-author, “We argue that believing people have an underlying essence allows us to assume or infer that when we see someone who shares a single characteristic, they must share my entire deeply rooted essence, as well.”

When we look at attraction, we often look at mutual interests and lifestyles but what connects two people is often the differences in our personalities and how our beliefs and values intermesh. 

Build intimacy

Intimacy comes in a few flavors: emotional, physical and intellectual. All of them, particularly in combination, are effective when you’re figuring out how to make someone fall in love with you. A Journal of Counseling and Development study identified four main factors of intimacy¹³.

• Self-disclosure
• Affection
• Personal validation
• Trust

While building intimacy can be a slow, steady and rewarding process, Psychologist Arthur Aron developed the 36 questions to fall in love, which were designed to create a deep, probing and honest exchange with a partner to foster intimacy more quickly.

Be kind and supportive

It doesn’t take a study to tell you that you always want your partner to view you as a source of positivity. You should be a place where they can be safe from the harshness, indifference and unabashed criticisms of the world.

This doesn’t mean you should blindly support them. Just that when you interact with them, try to come from a place of kindness, support and respect, even when disagreeing. Being supportive is often just about being there for them when they need it. 

Create memories

Two recent studies found that simply sharing an experience, without communicating, amplifies the potency of that experience for both-parties.¹⁴ We are naturally social, communal creatures so it’s no surprise one of the answers to how to make someone fall in love with you is by being there to share experiences together. So, try and create some exciting new ones for them.

An additional incentive for this is Dolf Zillmann’s excitation-transfer theory, which has noted that a person’s reaction to an arousing or exciting experience can often transfer to our immediate response to the person with or near us.¹⁵  

Speak each other’s love languages

Communication and misunderstanding can often rest at the center of any interaction that’s moving toward love. So, if you want to know how to make someone love you, try working on expressing love effectively to your partner before anything. First delineated in Gary Chapman’s famed novel, the 5 Love Languages are:

• Words of affirmation
• Quality time
• Physical touch
• Acts of service
• Receiving gifts

Using these simple tools – particularly quality time, according to a survey¹⁶ – can often help you say the things to that special someone that many words can’t.

Be consistent

A recent survey found trust to be the most important factor in building successful relationships¹⁷ and therefore, one of the surest pillars of love.

Being reliable is one of the important ways to communicate how important someone is to you and highlights your dependability – one of the easiest ways to quickly build trust with a person.

This can include staying romantic during dates and not letting your interactions fall into a rut, having consistent reactions to their expressions towards you and ensuring your actions with them aren’t irregular, or governed by your mood fluctuations.

Be authentic

A range of studies have found authenticity to be a strong predictor of longevity and well-being of a relationship.¹⁸ This makes sense given our earlier point regarding the importance of trust and honesty in how to make someone fall in love with you.

More than trust though, authenticity has been strongly linked to self-esteem.¹⁹ If you can’t have a proper conception of who you are, your internal values and how you want to engage with the world that comes from an authentic core, you can’t find inner happiness. So how could you possibly bring someone else happiness in a relationship?

Keep an eye on the natural flow of relationships

All relationships have a natural flow. While rocky roads are normal in any relationship, some people have a problem accepting the ebb part of the dynamic, often turning negative and becoming aggressive, clingy, depressed, distant or just uncommunicative during these bad times.

However, experts in a Harvard University Press piece²⁰ have pointed out that this is the worst reaction. If you’re wondering how to make someone fall in love with you or reignite those feelings, it’s crucial to handle moments of distance with care. When you notice your partner drifting away, either due to relationship fatigue or personal issues, you should try to reinitiate closeness and intimacy, either through love languages, or talking issues through positively and constructively to build a better path to love.

FAQs for how to make someone fall in love with you

How do I make my crush fall in love with me?

You might ask yourself, can you make someone fall in love with you? With some basic chemistry, there are ways to help create love if you treat someone properly.

So, while it’s rare to make your crush fall in love with you, you can date them, form a relationship and  through the strength of trust, passion and intimacy,  you may find love. 

What to say to make someone fall in love with you?

Unfortunately, there are no specific sentences, but there are certainly ways of communicating. Show interest and try to initiate regular conversation while being kind, open and inquisitive.

Ask them questions about themselves – we have an article about the perfect questions to ask if you’re wondering how to make someone fall in love with you. Though, it’s not just about what you say, but rather how you say it.

How to make a guy fall in love with you?

Guys are often seen as simpler, more impulsive creatures when it comes to the dating scene. This is untrue as men can be emotionally complex and have a range of needs in a loving relationship.

We cover the nuances of getting men that fit you to fall in love with you in more detail in this companion article about “how to make a guy fall in love with you“. 

How to make a girl fall for you?

Women are often characterized as the more romantically shy gender, which is a misapprehension in this modern era. One of the best ways to get a girl to fall for you is to make your relationship an exciting, passionate and highly mutual experience.   

We explore the various aspects of getting the right woman and then getting her to fall in love with you in more detail in this companion article about “how to make a girl fall for you“.

Unpacking the psychology of love

There is no real cheat code to how to make someone fall in love with you. It must build naturally on a foundation of trust, emotional intimacy and shared joy in the relationship. So instead of directly pursuing love, enjoy the moments as they grow from genuine connections, being kind to one another and being your authentic self.

Ultimately, love can’t be forced – and you wouldn’t take as much joy in it if it were. It can, however, be nurtured in the right circumstances. Understanding the psychology of love can help you create deeper connections by fostering emotional closeness and mutual respect. Sometimes, love – or even attractions – don’t take root and it’s just a one-way feeling. While these moments can feel painful and sometimes traumatic, it’s important to recognize when there’s an initial or growing mismatch in your affections for one another. 

Sometimes, things were just not meant to be. The most important thing is you recognize that you are worthy of love. You just need to keep trying. One day, any past romantic failings will burn away in your memory in the light of the new love story you’re creating. Find your story on eharmony, where all our members are authentic, respectful, relationship-minded singles looking for a genuine connection. Register for eharmony today and find that true love, that matches up perfectly.